Can You Feel Your Muse?

I’ve been trying to figure out what to blog about these past few days and every time I sit down to write, nothing is flowing. I like to write when I feel moved, motivated and when I feel I have something important to share that might help someone else. My darkest shadow of “not good enough” pops up when I don’t feel 100%. When I feel unmotivated and feel that I’m not living all that I teach, I tend to be quiet and hide. When I’m excited, passionate and motivated, I can’t stop talking. So, it hit me. How can I be so selfish to stay in my story as this robs others of their own greatness? I recently had a client remind me that from reading a prior blog I wrote, she was able to get through the tragedy of her son’s car accident in a much different way then she would have in the past. She was so grateful that I wrote that blog when I did. It helped her get through a tough time. So, who am I to minimize myself when I know that when I shine or share of myself it allows others to shine too and feel supported. Debbie Ford just wrote in her newsletter an article entitled The Dis-ease of Minimizing. You can find it at 071510.html.

It’s exactly what I was doing by not writing a blog this week. I was the victim of my own minimizer. I know I am not alone in this. There are many people out there who go through moments of having absolutely no motivation. It doesn’t matter what they do for a living or how great their life might look like. I’ve noticed with musicians and artists that they go through waves where their creativity just flows and they record a new album or paint a new masterpiece. They also have moments of droughts where they don’t seem to be able to create any new work. They can’t feel their muse.

Today, I wasn’t feeling my muse. I know I have a choice. I have a choice as always to stay in my story or take myself out of it. I’ve been going through some medical inquiry that keeps getting more complicated. I don’t have the answers I want yet and I find myself going in and out of what if. I wrote in an earlier blog about not making any stories about what I don’t know and although most days I’m able to do that, when I get a new piece of information about some of the tests I’ve been undergoing, I find myself being pulled into all the possible scenarios that it could mean. This made me realize that I have such a love/hate relationship with the internet. You can drive yourself absolutely crazy looking up medical stuff and attempting to be your own doctor with the internet.

After a short pity party for myself, I chose to get our of my own way. I often talk about not denying any feelings that come up, so I did allow myself to feel some fear, sadness and anger but I didn’t let that shape what is to come next. You can honor being scared but it doesn’t mean you have to be a part of the horror movie. After all, you weren’t event asked to audition for the part.

So how do you go about doing what you have to do when you don’t feel motivated? I’ve learned that since our thoughts guide our actions, the first thing to do is to change them. If you find yourself struggling with changing those thoughts, then take time out to be silent and meditate. There are many forms of meditation and you can try different ones to see which one works best for you. Once you have change those thoughts or quieted your mind, you can chose what you want the outcome to be or the feeling that you want to feel and you focus on that only. You do have that choice and the power to change them. I changed my thoughts from thinking the worst case scenario to the least serious possibility for my situation. Also, if I am given a diagnosis that may not be preferable, I will have all the tools and support to manage it and make the best of it. I am not alone and many others have walked this path before. I then chose to feel hopeful and focussed on the best scenario possible.

I also had to look at what shadow was lurking! With the thoughts that I might be given a diagnosis that I’m resisting, I figured out that I couldn’t be with defective. I can be with not good enough, imperfect, flawed, but I just felt such pain when I thought of myself as defective. I did some work on that to integrate that shadow so I didn’t have to spend all my energy resisting it. The resistance is what causes the suffering. So, I embraced defective and found the gifts of that part of me which are that I need to smell the roses more often and slow down. Life is not a race. This defective part is also giving me the ability to be smart and be my own medical advocate.

If I can take a situation that I would normally identify as a depressing and hopeless situation and turn it around, then so can you. Trust me, I’m a very resistant and stubborn person. All is possible. You just have to believe in yourself.

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