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Can You Judge Something As Not Good Or Not Bad?

As children, we came into this world not knowing what was good or bad. It wasn’t until someone, usually a parent or caretaker decided to point it out to us. He/she would make sure to tell us that it was bad to touch the stove because it was hot or it was bad to hit the dog. He/she would also tell us that it was good to share and good to be polite. Basically, everything we do or say usually fits into the category of good or bad.

I find this very limiting to our psyche and very limiting to creating connections with others. If we have immediate judgment on someone or an incident as good or bad, then we react to it based on our perception. If someone is kind and funny, you will most likely want to continue to interact with that person but if they are moody or rude, you will most likely withdraw from them. Is that good or bad? About neither. I suggest it just “is”. If I have no judgment or projection on it, then I can experience it without being affected. I can notice the person’s sense of humor in the same way I can notice their moodiness without making it mean anything else. What if the person who is moody or rude just got some upsetting news or didn’t get any sleep the night before? Should we totally dismiss them?

What about unexpected life events? I have a client who’s 20 year old son was recently in a “bad” car accident. It was described as “bad” because of his life threatening injuries. Again, who decided to call it bad? We, as a society have labels for everything and all events usually fall into some kind of category between good and bad. What if the car accident was viewed as just “is”? This event occurred for reasons we are unaware of in this present moment. However, there will be many gifts to come out of it if those involved choose to perceive it that way. I personally believe everything happens for a reason. It’s how we interpret what happens that determines the amount of pain, suffering or happiness and gratefulness we will have following the event.

In this case, my client has been able to stay present to what has happened and has been able to move through this in a much smoother way than she would have in the past. She also had an amazing moment of healing with her son because she was able to be fully present for him and that opportunity would not have presented itself if she had stayed with the limited belief that this situation is really bad. She wrote me the following: “I told you about being with him in the hospital when he was 3 days old and vomiting blood. They had to take arterial blood and made me leave the room. I could hear him screaming — it’s a very painful procedure — and I felt like e a horrible mother for abandoning him. Yesterday I was with Dean as they drew arterial blood. He got very agitated and I was able to calm him down. It felt like I had been given an incredible opportunity to go back in time and reverse that moment, both for myself and for Dean. A very powerful moment.”

Through the shadow work and Debbie Ford’s teachings, I must have heard over 100 times or more, “The gold is in the dark”. This is one of those situations. I know most people would view having their 20 year old son being in ICU as really “bad”, but I invite you to begin looking at everything and everyone without placing them on the good/bad scale and see what gems you get out of it! My client got her first gem yesterday!

After writing this I received this quote in one of my emails. So perfect!

“There is no such thing as a problem without a gift for you in its hands. You seek problems because you need their gifts.” … Richard Bach

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