How Many Decisions Do You Make In One Day From a Place of Fear?


Everything that I have been reading or listening to this summer brings me back to one word, FEAR!

I’m curious to know how many of you out there make most of your decisions from a place of fear. Do you decide what to eat because you are afraid of being fat, unhealthy, sick, deprived, or tired? Do you grab that cup of coffee or have an espresso in the middle of the day out of fear that if you don’t, you won’t be able to get through the day? Do you eat kale everyday knowing how nutritious it is — worrying that if you don’t, you will get sick or develop cancer or some other illness?

Do you do more things in one day than you have the energy for, thinking that you’re not being good enough? Do you do things for others you don’t want to do out of fear of being unloved or rejected? Do you wear certain clothes our of fear that if you don’t, others will judge you or make fun of you? Do you say “yes” when you mean “no” because you are afraid that others will see you as selfish? Do you stay in the relationship you are in out of fear of being alone?

I could go on and on as we make so many decisions in a 24 hour period from what we eat, what we wear, how we treat ourselves, how we treat others, activities and to do’s we are going to get done, etc.

I have not written a blog in over a year. It’s hard to believe how fast time goes by. Why have I not written a blog? Out of fear. Out of fear of not knowing what to write. Out of fear that I will sound self important. Out of fear that what I have to say is nothing new.

I have been hiking almost daily with my dogs this summer and have been contemplating a lot. One of the things that has really come clear to me is realizing how many things I choose from a place of fear. I just walked my dogs a minute ago because my young German Shepherd was getting a little wild. Although, I enjoy walking in nature, I took her out from a place of fear. I was afraid that if I didn’t, she would chew something up. Even choosing to walk my dog was from a place of fear. That’s crazy!!!!!

I am someone who has never been afraid to do daring things and have always been adventurous. I have gone sky diving, scuba diving in deep waters and many other things. I have done so much self discovery and faced so many of my shadows over the years while attending or assisting Debbie Ford’s Shadow Process. I have also faced many fears while doing my coaching and leadership training. The layers are endless and I’ve never been afraid to be with my worst emotions during those times. Yet, I’m seeing almost for the first time that many of the mundane daily decisions that I make actually come from a place of fear.

I could give you multiple examples just from today that came from a place of fear. I woke up earlier than I wanted to out of fear that the dog would have an accident in her crate. I made my family hurry up to get out of the house to go somewhere out of fear that if we didn’t, we would all be lazy and stay home all day. My husband and I were not seeing eye to eye on some things today and I chose not to say certain things out of fear of making him angry or being criticized. I started to pack my children’s things for sleep away camp and began to get anxious fearing that I would forget something. The day is not over and I could continue. I won’t bore you with all the remaining details.

As some of you know from reading my blog, I got diagnosed with MS (multiple sclerosis) in August of 2010. It feels like last month. Although I have had a positive attitude towards it, these past 2 years have been extremely challenging. One of the things I recently realized is that when you are first diagnosed with any illness, most of us go into fear and choose our treatment plan and make most decisions from that place. We fear getting worse, being disabled, or dying. I originally didn’t go there. I was determined to heal myself and believed I could. As time passed and I developed new symptoms that were difficult to deal with on a daily basis, I stopped believing that I could heal myself and that I was no different from all others who have been living with MS. I became afraid that I wasn’t on the right medication. I was afraid of the foods I ate or didn’t eat. I was afraid to get worse if I didn’t meditate, sleep enough, eat perfectly or exercise. The stress of all those fears were a lot worse on my health than not doing any of those perfectly.

I walked into my neurologist’s office crying one day as I was so overwhelmed with all the symptoms I was trying to manage. I said to him, “I am trying to be the perfect MS patient.” Well, that was making more ill than anything else. He spoke with me and I realized I didn’t have to do everything so perfectly. I finally realized that trying to be perfect was probably what created my MS diagnosis. How many of you strive for perfection in everything you do? Being the perfect partner, spouse, mother, father, friend, worker, boss, student, athlete, etc.?

The purpose of my blog today is to bring awareness to you about fear. Just take a moment this week and begin to notice all the small or big decisions you make on a daily basis from a place of fear. I was a bit shocked when I looked. I have been doing self discovery on myself for over 29 years and although I was aware of fear based decisions, I have a deeper awareness today. From all my work with Debbie Ford and the shadow work, I began to really uncover all of my limited beliefs over the years. I got to discover where they came from, how they affected my life and have been able to change most of them. There are still a few that are piloting some of my decisions. I have known that most limited beliefs I had guided me to make decisions from this fearful place, mainly, the fear of not being good enough. I’m all about keeping it simple these days, so with everything you do this week, just pause and ask yourself that simple question. Is my action or decision coming from a place of fear? If so, fear of what? You will begin to see a running theme.

Most of us are afraid of being who we really are. Stop being afraid and just be who you are because who you are trying to be out of fear of not being good enough, unloved, unwanted, unimportant, etc. is probably making you sick at some level. In the Karate Kid movie, the young man was so afraid when fighting in the tournament, but he kept doing what was scary and uncomfortable so he wouldn’t have to live in fear anymore. Ironic isn’t it how we have to be willing to be afraid and uncomfortable in order to not live in fear.

“Do the thing we fear, and death of fear is certain.”
Ralph Waldo Emerson

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